The first week In writing:
(edited: thanks to Melissa Tan, for her effort to make me laugh, she noticed. see, obviously i haven't been myself these days.. and so after posting this entry, i didn't even read it. if you're just reading this now, thank God you didn't read my silly mistake. if you've read this before, you know what i mean.. haha. Melisaa, seriously, you make me laugh!!!)
<One word:>
Four words: it is lonely here.
I never imagined how much I’ll start to think of things I’ve left behind, of how much I miss people after days of trying to settle myself and figuring out how in the world am I going to be able to work this out. I came here not even thinking about how different it’s all going to be for me… I’m like that. I refuse to think of the “what-ifs” and certain things that are ahead.
I act. I go.
Then I try.. I try harder..
I don’t know if it’s a good thing. I have a lot of things going on inside my head.
“I think I have a problem, I think too much.” –Maria Mena
But I think too much of things that are all in the past and not the ones that might come…
And now they all came too soon.
What makes it harder is that I’ve gone through such a tough call to get to this now. For one thing, I’ve never felt so discriminated in my life as to how they treated us in the whole process of letting us in to their country. But because we’re supposed to be rational people, we never argued with their so-called policies.
And now I’ve never felt so alone… I’ve been living by myself, away from my family, for the longest time.. but this is the first time that I feel like just curling up into a ball in one corner. I’ve been feeding my head with thoughts that I’ll get used to everything. It’s hard to think that it will when you just feel so lonely all alone everytime. That sucks. A lot of people are telling me that it’s all going to work out in no time, knowing how I am with others. But then, will it really?
I don’t know.
Whatever it is… even though my world is “in turmoil” (dianne!!!!), someone I know is going to stick with me until the second, third, fourth and the other next weeks to come..
What makes it harder is that I’ve gone through such a tough call to get to this now. For one thing, I’ve never felt so discriminated in my life as to how they treated us in the whole process of letting us in to their country. But because we’re supposed to be rational people, we never argued with their so-called policies. 